Breakup Letters

I thought today was Wednesday and therefor I would be going to South Shields but as it's only Tuesday my night just opened up so I thought I'd update my blog and watch the new episode of Arrow from last night. So... possibly the most awkward talk you can have is the breakup talk with a girl, along with the sex talk from your parent. Well luckily there is a way around it. Whenever a fling reaches the point were I either don't want to see her anymore or she wants a commitment, I simply wait until she leaves momentarily leaves the room and pull out my trusty default breakup letter, leave it were she'll find it and leave before she gets back. Yes a breakup letter informs your date that your fling is now over but in a polite way, so that you never have to see her again. Simply write out your letter on word, just remember to leave gaps were your dates name so that you can fill them in, print out a few copies and always keep one handy. Here is my breakup letter, as an example:

Dear _____________,
            the time we have spent together, no matter how short it was, means more to me than you could imagine. It may sound crazy but I love you and I always will my dear sweet _____________. Unfortunately as much as I'd love to spend my life doing lame couple stuff with you, our time together has reached its end. I couldn't bear to tell you in person as my heart is too fragile.

The European Union has discovered a new species of algae deep beneath the Mediterranean Sea. Now I can't go into too much detail as this is all confidential but these algae are unlike anything on Earth. It is believed to have originated on Titan, Saturn's largest moon, and come here via an asteroid. Due to recent tests it is believed that these algae may be the only known sentient plant and could offer vital evidence for Evolution and the origin of not just mankind, but all life on our planet.

My father, England's leading expert on algae, and I am being relocated to an underwater base by the European Union for the next 24 months so that hopefully he can shed some light on the situation. Unfortunately due to the top secret nature of this job no communication with the outside world is allowed in the base so I will be unable to return your calls. I only hope that we will see each other again someday (provided you keep your figure).

From Ryan.

Awesome, right? 

E-Mail any questions you have about being awesome to ryansblog@yahoo.com